Friday, October 1, 2010

Church Bulletin Bloopers


Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

*    Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

*    The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

*    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands

*    The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

*    Remember in prayer the many who are sick in our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.

*    Don't l et worry kill you off - let the Church help.

*    Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

*    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs..

*    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

*    The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy."

*    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

*    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.. Music will follow.

*    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

*    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

*    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

*    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

*    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

*    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

*    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.

*    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

*    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

*    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.

*    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

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